things that would cross my mind, now can be on yours!

heres jan's law:

the manlier the man, the more value goes into his genetals.

the more genetal value, the more lengths gone to on the whim of, and to protect, said genetals.

meaning: hillbilly's are the most likely to commit penis crime.

I.E. driving drunk, while making moonshine in the passenger seat of your pickup, while your entire family up to great grandparents ride in the bed with fishing explosives. all this down main street.

how to combat such outlandish crime:

threaten their genetals. just pull 'em over and say:

"i dont wanna have to do this, but if i catch you doing this ONE MORE TIME, ill castrate you.

thats it. that simple. if they dont believe you, get out your glove and a really big knife.

this has been, a bad blog.

by me. on super bowl sunday. go commercials!

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

im listning to doppleganger, by fall of troy.

i have an idea for all you open minded, intellegent, and above all imaginative people out there. close your eyes, in a quiet place. you want to know why? because i think sight is restricting. i think your vision limits you to one place, one world, one being, and one reality. by blocking off your senses of sight, and hearing, you will be able to go places, worlds, beings and even realities that only exist in your mind. the boundless limits of imagination will open up to you, and you will fantasize, prophesize, and spiritualize. if your mind is open enough, and your imagingation broad enough, you can do, be, see, feel, and touch anything you want.

edit: all people who use the term "brain fart" deserve to die.

this has been, a blog.

bye me.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

im listning to mothership connection by parliment.

my name. the greatest thing ever to be assigned to me. jan. majestic. mysterious. kickass.

but it is lacking! however odd thay may sound. my name is lacking. yes, i need a title after it.

and here are the titles of desire for myself. do NOT steal from this list, or ill send jo pesci to your house with a baseball bat. here goes:

Jan: Sheriff of Knottingham

Jan: Master of the Basics

Jan: Glove-To-Jacket Pinner

Jan: The Drinker of Turpentine

Jan: Naked Fanatic

Jan: Scourge of the IRS

Jan: Draft-Dodger

Jan: Piggybacker

Jan: Rock Jockey

Jan: Bug Zapper

Bingo-Bango. see? with any of those names people will catch me on the subway and be like:

"hey, hey you! JAN! right? oh my god. your the sherrif of KNOTTINGHAM!!!!"

brillant.

this has been, a blog.

by me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

im listning to fleet foxes by fleet foxes.

as you might have noticed, i cant put my music selection at the end of the blog with links and pictures anymore, and for that i apologize. and for that, i feel i need to make it up to you.

thusly, i present:

fun with accents.

here is a list of the 5 people who (with accents) would be ruined. read the title.

number 5: catie couric.

or any news announcer/anchorperson for that matter. just imagine catie couric reading the tragic news from 04 about katrina, or the twin towers, with a thick as hell scottich accent.

"and as ou moight ba aighlbe to see frrrom the pic-a-chur, the touin touers 'ave toatallie collapsed." how the fuck do you write with a scottish accent?

number 4: the guy who always narrorates the action movie commercials.

you know who im talking about. that deep voiced, quienntisenntial narrarator dude. him.

just switch his deep manly voice around with that of apu nahasapemapetilon! sheer hilarity.

number 3: any doctor who has the break the news of a cancer to the family.

i know, im souless. but picture it. a lab coat walks into the waiting room. the air is tense. he holds his clipboard down with both hands, bows his head, and proclaims in a thick russian accent:

"IM SORRY TO BE THE ONE TO SAY THEEES!! BUT YOUR FATHER AND HUSBAND HAS TESTICULAR CANCER!!!!!!!! IM SO TERRIBLY SORRY!!!!!! *breaks table*

number 2: ludacris, kanye west, whatever big rap star.

now rap is all about keep'n da shit real in da hood with homies and bitches righ? of course.

but i, angry little white kid that i am, think that rap should be abolished with one simple change. take out the throaty voice of the hardcore gangster rappers, and replace them with steve urkle from "family matters." if you dont know, look at this. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eY-i3bClGyQ

now that would get them rappahs back from taking my credit!

number 1: you guessed it: the big man himself: tha pope!

im his mobile! anyway, the pope. walking down the red carpet of some chrurch saving people as he goes. he reaches the alter, and proclaims heavily (in the thickest of jamician accents) "god saive ya all, mon!" be cool" that is a peak of funniness.

this has been, a blog.

by me.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

im listning to dandelion gums, by black moth muper rainbow.

*single fist rasied high*

obama is prez.

biden is gonna have a sexier run than clinton

im gonna get a new hat

then masturbate

what im really saying is that i watched the inaguration and it made me happy.

anyways, here is the entry i promised.

skiing.

bungee jumping.

subway station.

at a devo concert.

an anime convention.

while watching The Dark Knight.

build-a-bear.

at the mircowave. (in or out)

where it would be the coolest to be on acid. (not that its good or anything)

skiing.

ANYWHERE with 3-d glasses on.

in a woodshed on MARS

on live TV.

at the laundromat (in the machine or out)

at the presidential inaguration.

where it would be OFF THE HOOK AMAZING  to be on acid (that are awesome already)

skiing with bill clinton

in a ball pit with chuck-e-cheese

watching anime in a room full of cheetos

taming tigers with sigfried.

in a tub of kentuckey fried chicken

this has been, a blog.

by me.

*************************************

i be lis'n ta The Flamingo trigger

by foxy shazam.

(look them up on youtube.)

i was thinking, again, about how in the world people  can like new music.

these psudo-pop ballads with decent backround music and lyrics that make maple syrup look like epsom salts, how in the world can people like this? along with twilight, another thing i can whine about if i want. heres why:

lack of life = need to escape into somewhere = pretending yourself fails after age 7 = the music industry and recently the book and motion picture industry, gives you a life to project yourself into, with faceless descriptions of perfect people, and flawless lives. (heres where it gets bad) = kids raised in a generation of having no soul of their own are thrown into a world of real things, that seem gritty and evil compared to what they have known. = they cant cope.

so me, im keeping to myself. i need to get me an identlty, and quick. and once i got that, i wont need the MAN to give it to me. that would make me the same as everyone else. which is bad. ish.

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

im listning to the flimingo trigger, by foxy shazam.

sorry i couldent get a link and the album art this time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C7F50Cd8LME&feature=channel_page
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOVJ2cWHOcA&feature=channel_page

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1IAHbgYzTs&feature=channel_page

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vx_Kw63v6yE

those are my youtube selections.

anyway. this morning i found out just how crippling school can be.

i woke up with a big fat stiffy for life, then by 3rd period, it had been put through an intensive course in meat grinder etiquitte. sufficed to say, when i got home it was he best thing ever. that ever happen to you?