Blog

The blame game.

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 19:03:00 -0400

I was reading a book about how you should not "Be your own worst enemy" and take responsibility for your actions, and by acheiving that private victory, might someday change the world.

Bullshit.

Introducing:

Uncle rumblo's blame game spinner!

Your parents

God Your Job

----------->

The Government Alchahol/Drugs

Lack of money, hygene

See? All you have to do is spin the arrow in the center and it will fall on who or whatever's fault it is that you can't get laid! Just spin the arrow, and responsibility will be yours to aviod!

(Just 9 easy payments of 9.99 plus shipping and fondleing)

This has been

A Blog.

By me.

$$$MAKE$$$DAT$$$CASH$$$MONEY$$$

I'm currently listning to: Deltron 3030 by Del the funky homosapian and Dan the Automator.

If you fake the funk, your nose will grow.

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 21:35:00 -0400

Eugh, its been like a year since i last posted.

i think improgressing too fast. my older stuff is good, but now im just tired and angry.

like the life span of the lesser organisem we call the amateaur comedian.

but let's see here.

Something i've been enjoying alot lately is funk dancing.

now, for all you newcomers to the subject of funk dancing, i would like to offer a crash course:

there are 3 types of funk dancing you need to know about.

type one: Like your really suprised about something. This style works in facial expression, and hand movements mostly. Use those to express the dance. Different moves of this category include the birthay, and the christmas tree.

Type two: Like your doing some kind of manual labor. This style is most commonly known, and easiest to improvise upon. Use those hips! Moves for this category include:

The shower, the lawnmower, the shopping cart, the sprinkler, the scoop, and the lift.

Type three: Like your smelling something really bad. This style is a more advanced concept, and also hinges on facial expressions. Moves for this category include:

The waft, and the dip-down.

General tips for good funk dancing:

Funk words in poles. Either use your whole body, or only one part.

Don't move your feet at all, or move them all over the place.

The best funk dancers wear tassles, are 2% body giltter, and are really sweaty.

All of the above styles of funk dancing can be improved with roller skates.

Well, this has been a blog.

By me.

ThisIsTheLetterJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ

I'm currently listning to:

Super taranta! By Gogol Bordello

Nicolas Cage: Knowing

Sat, 04 Apr 2009 15:11:00 -0400

I went to see that movie, and as i have seen previous nicolas cage movies i decided to count the two defining moments of nicolas cage's "acting", looking intense, or having a flashlight.

there were 20 of these such moments. some of the CGI was laughable, and i think the thought process went like this:

Knowing checklist:

Nicolas cage with a flashlight-

Time capusle-

Rabbits-

Aliens (anderson cooper?)-

Flaming Caribu-

Bubble tree-

the movie seemed ALMOST plausable until the end, in which 5 white haried aleins took two little kids and two rabbits up into outer space with them in a big crystal.

the kids ended up in some celestial wheat field.

i have no idea.

but i think it would have been funnier if the whole thing ended up like y2k, nothing happend.

nick wakes up the next day, realizes he is alive, and thinks to himself

"god dammit! now there are 2 kids in space for no reason. but hey, i can stay here and run around with a flashlight for a couple more movies."

()()()()))()()()()()((()()()()()())))()()()((()()()()

thing-fish, frank zappa

emoticon depression.

Sat, 28 Mar 2009 06:09:00 -0400

my life has much :) in it. but ive had my fair share of :( as well.

it began when i ;) at this girl, and she got mad.

then i got very :( , because she was the one i really loved.

i would never :D again.

i knew a guy who's soultion was to just act cool .

but i couldent do that. i was too :( .

another guy just :P at at everything.

i couldent do that either.

maybe i was never meant to be :) .

maybe i was destined to stay :( ...

and that kids, is what happens when lazy blogging and deoression mix. next week, killer bees: a retrospect.

^^^^^^^<<<<<<<<<<<<<<^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

roxy & elsewhere

-frank zappa

a caveman's guide to youtube videos.

Sat, 07 Mar 2009 18:07:00 -0500

dear caveman,

if you have not yet heard and/or seen this new internet phenomena, i think you would be well advised to use my easy guide to deciphering the funny from the shitty.

number one: never watch any youtube video with an apology in the title, or description box.

if it says something like "sorry about the sound" or "sorry about the blood" then dont watch it.

number two: never watch a youtube video with a title like "jerry got drunk as HELL" or some shit. never watch those. they will make you vomit angry comments out your ears.

number three: if you clear these requirements, you have to watch the video itself. you have to know which of the two youtube goals your looking for.

1) funny

2) awesome

if its funny, look at the sound quality. if its awesome, look at the viedo quality. you really should have a good level of both, but sometimes sacrifices must be made in the name of youtube.

number four: give it a chance. if the beginning sucks, or is slow, have a heart. skip to the halfway point where the peak should be. if IT sucks, watch something else.

number five: commenting. COMMENT! people need it. if its like HBO's channel dont bother though. unless you have something truely witty to say. which, judging by the comments im reading at the moment, nobody does.

so caveman, i hope youtube seemes a lot less scary now that it has been broken down for you. next time, i will explain the ancient rites of the microwave.

this has been, a blog.

by me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

colorblind, by robert randolph.

Another reason to

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 06:20:00 -0500

i had a dream of a world divided. a world divided not by creed or color, but by what you were back in high school. the preps had a place, and jocks and emos, the hippies the crooks, al of those classes had their place in the hierarchy. problem being, when the segregation laws got passed, the douchebags became top dog for one reason or another. so here we were, a world led by the douchebags of humanity.

and another thing, i think billy mays is incapable of not yelling when he hawks some cheesy merchandise. he just HAS to yell about how great it is. i think its his normal speaking voice. maye he just talks like that. maybe he grew up next to an airport or something. wait, no! bad jan! no finding the good in people! you gotta be a douchebag to stay on top!

youve never heard of these 2 amazing people.

Sat, 21 Feb 2009 08:03:00 -0500

and you havent.

im sure of it.

they are two film and TV actors who are both amazing.

they are Paul Gross and Tony jaa.

see? you have no idea who they are.

paul gross now, canadian actor. great guy, funny and amazingly good looking.

2 of his most notable works for TV would be "Due South", and "Slings and Arrows"

really good stuff. google image him.

Tony Jaa. im willing to put him on the list of the MOST BADASS DUDES EVER. hes a martial arts/gymnastics MASTER. i mean master. check out his website. this dude is a master of one of the deadliest, most brutal, and amazing martial arts ever: muay thai. (he is thai, just so you know)

youtube him. and google images.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

deloused in the comatorium - mars volta.

Ideal life. (if it could work out)

Wed, 18 Feb 2009 11:51:00 -0500

dont point out every hole in this thing, or il insult you a bunch.

i would save cash, and then pass a state ordanance regulating the placement of power outlets under bridges. or i would run a massive extnetion cord from whoever lives closest and oldest.

then, i would build a corraguated metal and cardboard house. in which, i would plug in a keyboard, and burn a shitload in incense. and every little person on main street and at school would regard me as a guru, ask as me deep questions. i will stroke my sharipe goatee and answer in riddles. i'd go out now and again to buy food and such, but i will live a solitart life, but if anyone needed a place, or wanted to have a pot party i woulde let them in because im a nice guy. i would be ever known as "the bridge guru" and i would receive offerings from my devoted masses, of cheeze-its and vitimen water.

yeah. tell me you wouldent want to try that.

*9*9*9*9*9*9*9*9*9*9*9*9*9*9*9*9*

doppleganger, by fall of troy.

the grammies

Sat, 14 Feb 2009 07:48:00 -0500

i watched the grammies. i had nothing better to do. so here is what i think.

first up, bono. kick ass man! the FX for the grammies never fail to kill a couple sensitive children.

next, justin timberlake and al green. justin, i hope you kicked your writers in the skulls for giving you such a peice of shit to say back there. *gag* al green, way to blow justin's fagtastic singing out of the motherfucking water!

then comes, (im not sure what the exact chronological order is, also, i missed the last few bits of it.) anyway, miley cyrus and taylor swift.

well, seeing as they both have a different claim to fame, good combo. seeing as the song they sang was badly written, and the singing not top notch, boo hoo for them.

howbout jen hudsen's dress in the beginnning half! it was a motherfucking shopping bag!

ok, to be fair she changed out of it and gave an amazing preformance later on.

dwyane "the rock" johnson. more bad writing. oh well. i was thinking of pitting him and justin timberlake in a cage match of such bad writing.

ok, then cometh katy perry. all i have to say is, the fruit was a bit extranious.

THE JONAS BROTHERS AND STEVIE WONDER!!! people who should be killed for this:

whoever tunred mr.wonder's mic ALLL THE WAY DOWN so joe drowned him in shittiness.

and the jonas brothers themselves, for ever being born and stealing my thunder. joe, euther get a haircut, or stop washing it in motor oil.

and to coldplay. i saw their thing on 60 minutes as well, and i learned something. their motto is:

"if you dont have any skill, it doesent matter if you sing or play with gusto!" (paraphrase)

and this statement made the thought that the music industry is dying by hammerblow galvanized. for shame. to their credit, they seem cool. i'd have a beer or two with them, but sheeses. and what happened when satch sued them?

a final statement:

if i were to commit a major crime (which i wont) it would be hijacking the grammies.

yeah.

id take over the entire concert PA make blowing out speakers my business, and blast the most hardcore alternative/punk that i can. oreffrably during a preformance by taylor swift, miley cyrus, the jonas brothers, and pretty much anyone whos been picked up and painted over for the television industry. disney channel, your next on my hijacking list.

(p.s. if i cant hijack the grammies, im gonna have an orgy on george bush's lawn)

^^^^@^^^^@^^^^@^^^^@^^^^@^^^^@^^^^@^^^^@^^^^@^^^^@^^^^@

you know wha time it is:

merriweather post pavilion by animal collective

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 06:58:00 -0500

i think that i should get photoshop. not just so i can make my mother look good and get paid, but because i want to mess with photos and make album art for myself. i think that i have to get every aspect down before i release an album or whatever. so i wanna be able to fuck up a picture like no body's business. (thats a bad expression)

aside from my wants, here's some comedy.

looking around my school, i see ignorance in heaps and gobs. so i prepose a test. not a witten one, but a test in 5 levels.

level one: tell eveyone that lunch is not going to be gopher soup, and see who cares.

level two: take everyone's GPA down 0.9 and see who notices

level three: bring in the re-animated corpse of frank zappa and see who knows who he is.

level four: start killing off 5 students and 1 teacher a week and see who notices

level five: ask everyone what the word ignorance means.

i think our school wouldent notice any of that shit. but ive had my fun, made my point, and i leave you with this.

this has been, a blog.

by me.

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im listning to extreme II, pornografitti, by extreme.